Selmak ~ Humor ~ Dear Sel

Dear Sel,

September 10, 2006

Dear Sel,

i've been wanting to talk to you for a while but I am in such awe of you I didn't know what to say. However, I came across a question that I hope you with your great experience and wisdom can answer for me. It's circled on the picture I am including.

Signed,
Sel Fan

Dear Recent Mommy,

Look at your balding USAF Major aka Hubby. Look at your six month old son.

'Nuff Said.

XOXXOXOXOXOXO

Auntie Sel

July 15, 2006

Dear Sel,

Why are you consoling Chekov? Why is Jake and George updating the site and not you?

Secret Tok'Ra Agent Tels

Zdravstvui Tels,

Season 10 Spoilers Ahoy! Just Roll your mouse over the next passage to get the details about why Selmak was consoling our favorite Russian Colonel.

The Korolev was destroyed by the Ori and they claim that there were only SIX survivors. Chekov was not mentioned as being one of the survivors, so it appears that our dear Tovarisch Chekov was killed.

No doubt he was killed because they needed to balance the budget so they could put Vala and Cam in Black Leather!

Snarky Sel who is royally pissed off that another one of her boys has joined the Glow Club.

Proshyai,

Selmak

July 1, 2006

Dear Sel,

Doesn't Don "Aw Shucks" Davis look PURTY in that tux from "The Dead Zone"?

Don Fan

Dear Don Fan,

Purty?

Don always looks sexxxxxxxxxxxxxyy as he's got that "Southern Bad Boy Your Mamma Warned You About but You Didn't Listen and Now You're in a Whole Heap of Trouble " twinkle in his baby blues.

Just don't tell Jake as he gets jealous.

XOXOXOOX

Sel

PS - Don't tell Don, as I don't want his wife coming after me with a fully charged Zat.

May 2006

Selmak is just horribly behind on her mail. She'd like to apologize, but after she got back from the Cleveland Vulkon, she had to beat up a few bad guys that had tried to move in on her terrority while she was on vacation.

Then when she was done, she immediately started answering her mail, pausing only to gulp down a Biggie Diet Pepsi, and to sigh at her picture of Tony Amendola that she got autographed. (Tony said he likes the site! ~ shameless namedropping Sel. And Don likes it too! So does Mike, so three outta five Boy Toys enjoy Selmak.Org! 60% ~ That's passing with the new Tok'Ra math!)

Sel was in such a good mood that she decided to bang out a new Dear Sel column. A couple of these letters were originally addressed to Jake, but since he's busy playing Ascended Shuffleboard with Janet, Sel decided to answer them. (Plus someone had put them in her IN BIN.)

April 28, 2006

Dear ~~Dad~~ Sel,

I heard this song on the radio the other and had some alternate lyrics pop into my head. (I guess Walter's rubbing off on me...and I do NOT mean that in a sick way!) Hope you enjoy!

Love,
Sam

"Man! I Feel Like MacGyver"

I'm going out tonight, I've got to get this right
Gonna take that Goa'uld weapon out
Wanna be unseen, so I don't make a scene
Yeah, I wanna just get this done
No fancy tools, just use what I pick up
Turn it into something useful
I'm smarter than the goons that chase me all around
I only wanna complete my mission

The best thing about being in the Air Force
Is the prerogative to blow some big things up

Oh, oh, oh, using my big brains, using my training
Rucksacks, jackets,
Oh, oh, oh, keep the stalkers back, I only want Jack
Oh, oh, oh, I can take you out, if I really have to
Feel my cold stare-do what I dare
Oh, oh, oh, I wanna be free yeah to do the things I need...
Man! I feel like MacGyver!

The Goa'uld don't take a break, tonight we're gonna take
A chance to get rid of Ba'al.
He really is a schmuck, but thinks he's awful cute
Personally, I don't see it.

The best thing about being in the Air Force
Is the prerogative to blow some huge things up

The best thing about being in the Air Force
Is the prerogative to blow some big things up and...

I use my big brains
You can't get me down
Come, come, come on baby
I feel like MacGyver...

Sam

Dear Sam,

You're scaring me. That's it! No more Nick at Night for you!

Sel

PS - there will be no rubbing of Walter, ok? The only man I approve for you is GEORGE as he's an ADULT!

Thanks to Brandon for mentioning Selmak.Org in the 'Avatars Acting Badly' Section of the Something Awful Forum. His comment on Selmak.Org ~

"Selmak.org ~ your place for so much Don S. Davis it might make your stomach turn."

Well, Brandon, I'm not so sure about that, but I do believe that Don gets a queasy feeling in the pit of his tummy whenever he's informed that the site's been updated.

PS ~ Brandon, Sel really wants to know what you mean by "Avatars Acting Badly", and she'll be stopping by your place shortly.

PPS ~ Did you think Sel wouldn't find out?

April 28, 2006

Okay, this site is offically the funniest thing I have seen in a very long time. As I'm writing a fic right now called "Putting Out Fire with Gasoline," the story of Selmak's life, I was out trolling for Selmak-related fan sites and now dearly love this one. (As it's one of the few out there.)

Thanks so much for the giggles and the squees, especially over Jake's injury page. Gotta love Pookie-whumping. ;)

Audrey

Dear Audrey,

Thank you for your kind words. Sel's been a little downcast lately as there's pretty much nothing left to find out on ANY of the boys.

Selmak.Org, a monument to a bunch of hot little Boy Toys, is pretty much complete. That's why Sel quickly decided to adopt Garry Chalk!

And once she's finished ~~abusing~~ researching him, she'll adopt another one!

XOXOOXOXOXO

Sel

PS ~ you know it's been a while since I called Jake, Pookie. I think he's feeling neglected .... POOKIE!

Dear ~~Dad~~ Sel,

I know it's not Christmas time anymore, and this song is going to make you think of mistletoe and all manner of Yuletide songs, but I had to send it to you anyway. Dr. Jackson got drunk on the base last Christmas and started singing this song. It has been so long since I have been able to send it to you because if I had, I would have been killed by Colonel Carter, Dr. Jackson, Teal'c and General O'Neill. Now, on to the humor!

I saw Carter kissing Jack O'Neill
Underneath the mistletoe last night.
They didn't hear me creep
To the lab to have a peek,
They thought that I was tucked inside my books a-studying
Then, I saw Carter tickle Jack O'Neill
That's a sight I didn't want to see!
Oh, what a laugh it would have been
If Jacob had only seen Carter kissing Jack O'Neill last night!

Hope it brings a smile to your face!

An anonymous janitor inside the SGC

Dear Rose,

What pray tell, is in the WATER at the SGC?